It's been awhile since I turned 20. By spending the first two decades learning and living, the first year out of teenage-hood is thought to come with a set of social expectations. At this age, you are expected to be confident with your character and spit out lines of sophisticated speech that immediately shows your values and your goals in life. The more I thought into this, the more bothered I became by the fact that I am nothing like that. Here I am, 20 years old, still haven't got too much clue what I want to do when I graduate and constantly lost in finding my own character. Is it wrong that I haven't found my passion yet? Is it wrong that my values and ethics are changing?

I mean I am not the president of student council but I participate and take on important roles in extra-curricular activities. I am not a genius but I do well in school by my own standards. I am not crazy popular but I have friends that I consider caring and important to me. Are all these really enough? Couple years ago I thought if there are people who can be so influential, why can't I? What happened to my love and passion to make the world a better place? To be very honest, I am not sure. More often I find myself settling for less. Often I find myself thinking all I need is a big house, two cars, and a loving family. And often I find myself losing grasp of some ethical values and believes that I held extremely close as a core of my character.

I am not too worried though. Not knowing what I want to do means I can do anything I wanted to do. Redefining my values and character means I can be the person I have always envisioned myself to be. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the reality of this world that can be sometimes unhealthy. Sometimes I just need to shake myself up and tell myself to wake up and be the person I always pictured myself to be.